For whatever reason, I finally thought to check my Strava profile to see if I hold the fastest time for anything.
Humorously, I do: Devil's Canyon. I rode it back on Christmas Eve in 2007. Only three other people (on Strava, anyway) have ridden it, and there's a good reason for that: it's some of the most heinously overgrown, unmaintained, washed-out un-trail-like territory around. When people ask me about it, I tell them not to go there. It is not fun.
And I'm kind of annoyed, because I know that if anyone beats my time, my competitive instincts are going to kick in and force me down that damn canyon again.